lauantai 7. joulukuuta 2013

The Hunger Games - Why it just doesn't feel right

Let's get one thing straight - Jennifer Lawrence is a star. She is beautiful, funny and talented. I love her and I'm happy that the Hunger Games pushed her into the spotlight.

What I'm irritated with is the Hunger Games universe and the various loopholes in the story. Is it a rip-off of the hit movie Battle Royal? Maybe? Do I care? Not really. Battle Royal was not the first movie to play around with idea of a killing game. Therefore following that logic Battle Royal is a rip-off, and I really couldn't care less, since it is a fantastic film that delivers from start to finish. The Hunger Games on the otherhand is just plain stupid and it's aimed towards teens and we all know teens like stupid shit. Heck, we've all been teenagers, so let's not blame them for being ignorant. Jackass, Adam Sandler, Lost, I used to eat that shit up like it was pancakes covered with nutella. But like everyone else I too would eventually grow up and see all those things for the junk that they really were. This is why I'm overlooking the fact that people actually enjoy the Hunger Games books and movies. Instead I will direct all my aggression towards the people who had the gonads to write this heap of steeming horse crap. I'm not gonna break down the movies scene by scene. No, instead I will give you three reasons for why the Hunger Games doesn't deserve to exist.

Loophole number 1. Dressing up like flamboyant gay guys with blue hair and majestic toupees will never be a thing. Not in this world and not in any other pararell universe for that matter. I'm calling major BS. Just like that attention whore Lady Gaga (excuse the expression), the writers of the Hunger Games realised that the only way people will remember these movies is by adding ridiculous attention grabbing costumes into the mix. Trying to shift the focus from the plot to something else is a clear sign of a bad story. It's a desperate attempt to cover up the fact that the Hunger Games is utter bullshit.

Loophole number 2. How ever poor or how ever desperate, no village (or district as they call them in the movie) would never in a million years let kids as young as 7 years old go off and participate in a game that they so clearly will never live through. Especially when anyone can so easily volunteer to take the place of a tribute (=a person selected for then Hunger Games). Solution, every district would train a selected group of teenagers to become warriors. When the time came for the lottery, these trained killers/survivalists would volunteer for the Hunger Games in place of whom ever would originally be picked to participate. It's as simple as that. Pretty retarded that not one of the districts has realised that this loophole exists and that there is a clear-as-day solution to work around it? Too fucking retarded if you ask me.

If you seriously aren't convinced yet I have one more point to make.

Loophole number 3. We the audience are led to believe that people are betting on which contestant will win the games. Why else would anyone sponsor the contestants with gifts and weapons during the game. The betting is not the problem. The problem is this - who would place a single bet in a game that is so clearly rigged. The overseers of the Hunger Games constantly interween with the outcome of the game. They shoot fireballs, ignite forest fires and send in roided up bulldogs to hunt down selected contestants. Knowing all that, why the hell would anyone spend money on betting or sponsoring contestants when it is so clear that the producers of the show are trying to control who wins? Can we all agree now? Surely you agree with me?

The Hunger Games is bullshit. Mind you, it is a thousand times better than Twilight, but that is not saying much.

What would a well-made Hunger Games remake look like you ask? Well firstly, the characters would not look like coked-up Richard Simmons or Elton John clones. Volunteering would not be allowed. The producers would not have any say in the outcome of the game. The world would be more realistic. The audience would much rather see as many contestants die as possible. No one would give two shits about contestants falling in love. The games would be much more gruesome: decapitations, gang rapes and people pooping in bushes. Seriously did Katniss not need to take a poop a single time during the game. I don't buy it. No one is that perfect, not even Jennifer Lawrence, bless her heart.

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