maanantai 22. heinäkuuta 2013

A Good Day to Die Hard - how to kill a movie series

Remember the first three Die Hard movies? Weren't they great? Great villains, memorable quotes, heart-stopping action and interesting plots. I love love loved those movies and I would be happy to watch them again at anytime in anyplace.

Unfortunately it was all downhill from there...

Like a fat guy in a canoe, the 4th movie was a laughable sight. Quite frankly, it sucked. Still, I forgave Willis. I had to assume that this was a one-time thing. An unexplainable mishap that could be shoved into oblivion. John McClane was my childhood hero, so of course I had faith in that one day he would return stronger and better just like in the good ol' days. Boy was I wrong.

The fifth installment of this series has got to be one of the WORST action movies I have ever seen. You know those cheap ass Steven Seagal and Wesley Snipes movies that are always shot in some East-European country like Bulgaria or Belarus. Die Hard 5 is eerily similar to those sorry excuses of cinema. If you take out all the million dollar CGI explosions you're left with nothing but an aging Bruce Willis and a cast of b-class actors.

This movie franchise just refuses to die. How fucking ironic is that!!! Every god damn title has the word "die" in it and this shit just keeps on going and going and going. Death is an empty promise, nothing more. It's pointless for me to start going through every last flaw in this flick, because quite frankly I hated all of it.  The plot is predictable, the action is boring and what sums up the whole movie is this: throughout the movie McClane's son always refers to him as "John" instead of "dad" or "father". Why? Apparently, for reasons unknown, these two guys are having family issues... barf. So get this, in the end the son comes around and starts calling him "dad" again! OH MY GOD! This sequel is packed with movie clichès from start to finish. How about you dumb asses come up with something original for a change? Seriously!

I have so many questions, I doubt they will ever get answered. Who approved the script? Is Bruce Willis trying to follow in Nicolas Cage's footsteps? Why won't you die hard already??

You had a good run Brucie boy, but now it's time to call it quits and retire! Nothing lasts forever.

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