tiistai 21. tammikuuta 2014

Anime - a world of boobs and glory

An anime buff I am not and Japanese people I find really really weird. You can go on about how it is all about perception and different societal values, but let's be honest here, they are completely different from any other people. It is therefore no surprise that their cartoons are just as weird as they are. And there within lies the secret to why anime is getting more popular everywhere. Where western movies and tv shows have clear boundries, anime has none. It's just so darn refreshing.

So why am I talking about anime if I'm not a real fan. Because you see, I wanted to see what all the fuzz was about. I mean it has to have somekind of appeal right? If I'm being really honest, my first encounter with anime was as early as 20 years ago. I didn't know it at the time, but one of my favorite shows, Silverfang or Ginga as the locals called it, was an anime. If only my parents would have known what I was watching. They would never in a million years have allowed it. A story about feral dogs fighting gigantic monster bears in the mountains of Japan. It was all about gruesome battles, extreme violence, death and life lessons. In other words it was AWESOME. I could give two shits about Bugs Bunny dressing in drag after watching a show like that! Countless nightmares ensued, but hey, it was totally worth it. I would still watch it today, although the animation is slightly outdated now.

Then there is of course all the cutesy anime like Pokemon and Digimon. Thankfully when those came around I was way too old to get invested in them. If you have young kids I'm sure they will get a kick out of it, but kids will watch anything so let's not give credit where it is not deserved. There are also the big names of anime, namely Dragonball Z, Naruto, Bleach etc. I'm just not into that specific genre of anime. If i had to guess I'd say it was aimed towards boys between 10 and 15 yrs. It's nothing for adults, just trust me on this.

Now I have watched relatively new shows like Death Note, Elfen Lied, Code Geass and Attack on Titan. The only one that I can really recommend is Attack on Titan. The plot is intriguing, the animation is breathtaking and the concept is just so 'out there' that you can't help but love it. It's about humans living behind stone walls fending off 50 meter tall humanoid giants that crave human flesh. The feel of despair and utter hopelessness is unlike nothing I have ever experienced. It of course has its flaws, but unlike other animes it manages to captivate the viewer from beginning to end. I can't wait for the second season.

Time to get dirty. Here are some of the main reasons why I dislike anime so much. Pointless, boring inner monologues and filler dialogue that puts you to sleep. The shows always have such magnificent ideas, best example Death Note, in which a highschool student stumbles upon an empty diary and realizes that when he writes a persons name in said book, that person dies. He then becomes a mass murderer with a god complex, killing off most of the world's criminals and anyone trying to catch him. Brilliant! Sadly the story falls apart midway through the show. A great story needs to flow effortlessly from episode to episode. The core idea can only carry a show so far. Most if not all animes suffer from this lack of smooth storytelling. The inner monologues are just killing me e.g. "should I open this door or should I not risk it, what lies on the other side might be too much to bear. What if I do not like what I see. What if I get an errection from opening the door? What if this door doesn't have a handle? Seems like the burden of deciding my next move weighs heavy on my heart". DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR ALREADY! Just imagine all the inner monologues when characters actually have to make somewhat big decisions. GAH!

Then there is the boobs, and the upskirt camera angles, and the schoolgirl uniforms, and the shower scenes. Now I will (hardly) be the first to admit that asian chicks are pretty amazing, but this erotica in every frikin' show is getting pretty ridiculous. For once I just wished that the writers would get laid more, so that they could manage to keep their dicks in their pants for a little while longer. Just long enough that they can create new shows without having to think about sex. I simply cannot take anything seriously after seeing a school girl jump up and down (for no apparent reason) with her double D sized, jiggling like jello boobies. Japanese people are nothing if not the biggest pervs on the planet. Sorry, but you are and it is freaking everyone out, so cool it, okay? And what is with the female voice actors sounding like small hamsters? Don't even get me started on the tentacle porn and rape stuff. It's hella disturbing!

Not to forget, the theme song for any show will last for at least 2 minutes and god forbid they try to sing the song in English. It's like a game of Scrabble. One random word after the other, forming sentences that can hardly even be called sentences. South Park proved this point best when they made the anime parody episode with the main lyrics going: "let's go fighting love". Mind you it was a show about ninjas, not teenage romance. This is something you just have to see to believe. Goes with out saying - I always skip the opening and credit scenes... always.

This is not really an issue. I'm just confused about it. Why do the characters in every show have to look so western and big eyed. And what is up with all the male leads looking like beautiful princesses? Is this an unwritten rule amongst anime artists? Can't someone stray from the path? I saw a girl get raped by a demon. Are you telling me that that is okay, but when it comes to trying to draw characters a bit differently THAT is where you draw the line?!

Case and point, It is my opinion that you cannot fall in love with anime just like that, especially if you have not watched any anime before this. Besides it is not for everyone. I'll just say that if you are really bored with sitcoms and HBO dramas, you might wanna give anime a chance. I mean what do you have to lose? Oh and did I mention there is boobs?

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